I’ve been lounging all day on my white couch in my predominately white living room. I’ve been up since five, knocked back close to three cups of coffee and one cup of green tea. While drudging through my online CPA multiple choice questions, I was tipping back and forth on whether I should just forgo this tormenting task. I only need to pass this final part in order to seize the certification; however, I’ve failed this part three times already. Last September was my initial attempt, so needless to say it is downright somber to still be here.
My mind drifts from youtube video to astrology charts back to a multiple choice question, and the cycle repeats. My mood dips and keeps sinking as a I progress from hour 1 to hour 7 of mundane studying. A steady sense of apathy drapes over me. I mean, I was ousted from this profession which prides itself on this qualification, and I am no yearning to return back there. However, I traveled this far, and need a boost to my resume for any field going forth. Otherwise, I would have snubbed it a while ago.
The time keeps ticking by from early morning to morning to noon to afternoon–it’s a race against time. It conflicts my inner being that for the past year, I’ve been wasting my life away with this exam. Instead of recreation or self-development, my spare time has been constrained to studying. With that, the exam notification of failing strikes me in the chest that much deeper. Please, just allow me to pass this time.