I was cloaked in apathy yesterday, curled up on the couch enduring a sense of meaningless. Instead of resisting it or playing into self-pity, I just embraced my dispirited feelings. It’s a spiritual depression, which I’m trudging through. More days are characterized by extreme lows, which immobilize myself from doing much. These unfortunate bouts occur though, I endured a prolonged one last year.
With that, there’s ample spiritual transformation/growth occurring under the surface. I’m shedding away areas of my life, which I no longer need anymore, similar to how a snake sheds its skin. The ego is gradually getting peeled away, in order to reveal more of the spirit.
I am aware of this metamorphosis partly due to my extensive research online, but also based on the symptoms I feel. During these periods I have similar stints of depression and increased tension in my shoulders and back. I recall two years ago, I received an MRI because I thought it was muscle or tissue damage, but the results did not uncover anything. Regardless, I carried on with rehab, only to actually resolve the pain weeks later when I started dating another woman. Therefore, ailments can be attributed to spiritual conditions, as well as physical, of course.
There’s big changes brewing up for me. I am moving cross-country, but there are certainly other plans and elements being orchestrated behind it. To some, this may appear somewhat schizophrenic, but I know my mind and body than anyone else. Over the past few months, various people have been providing their input on what I should do with my life, with good intention. But after listening more and more to myself, I know what I yearn for. With that, the journey is just beginning.